We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize