Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
