I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize