i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
