Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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