Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
