Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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