farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize