She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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