I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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