Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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