I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
