I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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