i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
where are my eyebrows?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
