Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
