i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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