hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
