By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
