Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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