He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
