New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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