He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
