mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
