there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My cat gives me a boner
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
