Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
