My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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