i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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