theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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