We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
