tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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