fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
