hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
