You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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