lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
