we're blogging at a bar
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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