I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
