plz talk dirty to me
Do you still have your period?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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