If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize