I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
don't judge my taste in strippers
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
