It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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