the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
