And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize