i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
