Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
