Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize
