ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
