don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
