You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
