I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
