Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
