I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize