You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
