it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
