If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
