What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize