if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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