No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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