There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
