What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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