Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
