he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize