1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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