So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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