Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
