YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
