I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
