Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
