Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
