possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize