Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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