break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
